Context

Yesterday my sister was here for a short stay to help celebrate my daughter’s upcoming birthday.  In the morning, we stepped out to take the dog for a walk before mixing up a batch of chocolate waffles for the bunch of  smiley kiddos that were continuing on with us from the sleepover party started the evening before.  While making our way around the neighborhood, a man in a black impala stopped to ask us for….. directions, though, he wasn’t seeking a designated spot on a map.   He shared a delimia with us to do with his self expression constantly being copied by a friend.  His case was of a buddy always matching up choice in cars – colors, tinting, rims, and trims-  to be the same as what he chose.  He asked, “how  would you guys feel about this?”.  My first thought was to reply, “make your peace with it” but for some reason the urge to defer to my sister was stronger than the need to speak.  I’m glad because her response was so much better for this exchange!  She said to him, “that’s because you have good taste” with a snap in the air.  “Imitation is the highest form of flattery, isn’t that what they say!?!”  The man nodded his head in agreement, feeling the truth of this saying.  I joined her in sharing that had he asked me this same question ten years ago I would have felt the issue in a similar way, wanting my choices in style, decor, or other expression to stand alone as a mark of my identity.  I went on to say that when we are firmly rooted, owning ourselves and our choices, we don’t care if someone copies them because: “hey! I’m at peace with myself and my choices and I love my ideas and why shouldn’t you too.”  He smiled at us and said, “I’m glad I asked you about this.”  He drove on and Jen and I took a moment to hash out why it was better for her to speak first.  She had the ‘right’ way to relate and then opened our visitor to receiving the idea of loving yourself first, so it’s easy for others to do so as well.

It’s important to get the context spot on before moving into new territory with change and rewiring perspective.  So often we need to open to another way of thinking, but the combination or code for understanding communication has to be matched first.