Next

Sometime towards the end of summer I took my daughter and a fellow teen friend to the mall. Near the end of the outing I needed a bathroom break and the closest restroom had a short line of women waiting. I joined the wall of resting backs and side leaning shoulders. A hallway that may have been filled with idle chitchat seemed quieter under face masks and bags of purchases created little forts around each woman’s feet. When the door swung open to admit the next person in line the exiting woman peered out at the waiting people and apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry.” and she hurried past. Two more women joined the wait behind me, one with a back to the wall and the other erect with arms crossed. After some time the woman who was second in my wait emerged with one babe on her hip and another holding her hand. She too apologized to everyone as she stepped out. The pattern played on. I wondered why in the world these women were apologizing. Were we not all in line for the same reason? Are we sorry for another person waiting? Is waiting an inconvenience or perhaps simply occupying space? Who knows — maybe all and maybe some or none of that. What I did know was that I would not feel bad about a bodily need when it was my turn and I would not apologize when I stepped out.

When I did walk out, I decided to say, “Next!” with a smile that my eyes had to convey.

Women over apologizing isn’t a new topic. I remember reading about the issue in a magazine when I was a teenager — long before taking my own teenager shopping. No matter your sex, perpetuating unhealthy patterns is something we can all examine and decide to change if needed. Save your apologizes for when they’re truly meant and let your words carry their weight with intention. With attention to exactly what you are saying, you may have more joy in whatever comes next for you.