Presence – Presence and Positivity

We Rise

“Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?” — J.M. Barrie

“We rise by lifting others” — Robert Ingersol

Have you ever been in a relationship, either platonic or romantic , that required you to be less kind than you would be in your natural expression?

Have you ever felt contained, capped off, or extinguished by proximity or perhaps agreement spoken or not?

What kind of information does this provide you?

Let yourself sit with reflection on those connections that drain versus the ones that create peace as well as the ones that amplify your energy.

How are your relationships feeling when you look at those three categories?

When relationships are loving and supportive —truly based in love without fear, control can soften, and your better aspects based in love can be supported for expression in the world. You may find you can be kind without consequence and loving without reason to those sharing in the relationship as well as those encountered at varying degrees of frequency because your dominant vibration magnetizes the positive aspects of others.

When allowed to rise with love and kindness, every interaction can meet you in that elevated state.

Within

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.

— George Eliot

Friendly Equals Flirty

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve visited this topic with my closest female friend and my sister. We all have a more friendly outgoing nature when we are in situations that put us at ease or there’s not a threat of some kind that causes a need to monitor your natural energy. Once in a while for some folks this is a problem because they assume the friendliness is flirting; you must be asking for more with being so darn friendly. The thing is, for each of us, that’s not the case. Friendly equals friendly and that’s it.

Many years ago a woman in a shop greeted my sister and I when we were in our extra exuberant playful and friendly energy with a comment that allowed me more understanding about this. She said, “Wow, you two are super joyful. That’s such a high vibe.” I was able to see it as simply an energy mismatch for another person if they weren’t feeling joyful and if joy felt too far away to access in that moment, it could be annoying.

When the friendliness causes others to feel uncomfortable or threatened, it’s truly a reminder to look within. It can help us look at what it would take to get back to joy, if that’s what we’d ultimately like to do. It can also help us to accept that we are in a different feeling state than someone else and skip the judgements. You have to start with asking what it is about you or your life experiences that feels uncomfortable in that external friendliness and joy? Must there be an ulterior motive if that’s your assumption?

I take this advice for myself too. Anytime something makes me uncomfortable, I pause to ask the feeling what is has to teach me. What do I need to learn? Just today something made me uncomfortable, and this evening, I will take that to my meditation as well as journaling time. I know it’s to do with authority and control as well as a tendency to sour at systems that seek to contort us from our true expressions, however, there must still be something to learn because I had a feeling cue today that kept me from expressing the joy that could have moved though me in response. I don’t write this to suggest that Joy is a more important feeling than any other feeling or that other feelings are meant to be overlooked or escaped. Every feeling has value and I think it’s important to stay with each feeling for as long as what may come from it has some good for you. It’s just as important to understand we choose how we feel by what we focus on.

Here’s to being honest with ourselves and staying open to learning when the opportunities present. May we be aware enough to see ourselves clearly and to hold steady or change depending on what’s required so that more of our soul light can be inhabited in each moment. ✨💛✨

Consent

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —

Eleanor Roosevelt

This includes you! Check your relationship to self in this regard as well as the possible assumption that Eleanor Roosevelt meant only relationships outside of self. The more you hold loving space for yourself, the less tolerance you will have for scenarios that cannot reflect you accurately.

For example, a comment that doesn’t align with you will roll off as if it weren’t said and the impact will become only a reflection of the person who spoke. If the comment is an internal script, you will begin to notice it as untrue from the point of an observer.

The less sponge like you are for the projections of other people and mistruths you may be conditioned with , the more quickly your interactions will shift to mirror the truth of you.

Call your reality into true resonance by loving and respecting yourself deeply. ✔️✨

A photo from last year when I was first making the change to look at myself with loving kindness in the dressing room no matter how I may be feeling in my body and whether I liked the article of clothing or not. Before this change, I would find all sorts of judgmental faces in that space made at myself I’d never make at someone else. 💕 It was one of many ripples over the last decade that shifted my relationship to self. 💖
Small changes matter. 💫

Mindful Eating

I grew up in a household that valued eating out. A lot of meals were in or from restaurants which I remember preferring as a teenager and into my twenties. I did shift gears during those teenage years to cutting red meat, pork, and fried foods when I developed an interest in keeping restaurant options to healthier choices and when I became aware of my body as an instrument. I found that when I ate healthier I felt better and I sounded better too. During my first pregnancy I let the guidelines slip as my cravings with that babe included burgers, bacon, and salsa; it was super out of character for the foods normal to me at the time but I went with it. The second pregnancy was totally different with wanting more bread, cheese, and jams and thankfully felt a bit more in line with what I may choose when not pregnant. As I shifted out of the impact of child bearing into nursing with each infant, I found myself brining in new lenses on what I was eating and what I would be feeding my children. Being responsible for their bodies too began to shift my relationship with what was on the plate and eating out. As nursing moved into a time period for me to reset my body, I found myself only wanting to reserve eating out for special occasions or if restaurant meals picked up because life was busy, sticking with salads, healthy grains, and protein to get a better handle on exactly what was in the food. I needed points of regulation and this helped me tremendously. I also picked up reading material such as different cultural relationships with food (Reading “French Woman Don’t Get Fat when I was in my late twenties gave me a lot to think about as I saw such striking differences between how I grew up relating to food in America versus what this author shares.) as well as other ideas like eating for your blood type, choosing natural sugars, whole dairy in moderation, increasing fiber, and at one point being pescatarian with my son for a year when he wanted to try this.

Considering different ways to approach my relationship with food alongside cooking at home gave me a satisfaction in caring for my body and my family in a way that didn’t happen when I was only invested in taste and ease. Sure, if the meal were executed in fine dining style, then maybe I did go at a snail’s pace savoring every bit of the way and let taste rule but there’s something exquisite in reserving that for a sometimes treat. For ordinary daily living, the act of planning what to prepare, shopping for meals, letting it be simple more often than not, going slow with the process of cooking, and then eating in our home turned into a practice of mindfulness and joy. I know that even though we are unfortunately fast eaters, this slowed at least me down. I learned to consciously bring love and care in my mind and then into my body while making the meals so that the food would be infused with good feeling energy. The entire experience of nourishing yourself and others can work as a multilayered meditative process.

Over the years, the impulse to eat out and the draw of new food novelty or familiar indulgence comforts more often than not was replaced with: “I’ll feel better after if I make it at home.” or “How can I get creative with what’s in the house and caring for myself / loved ones?” Do I still have moments of ease with ordering out and is it sometimes fried? Yes, I do and it is! Have I cut desserts? Absolutely not. I love them. ☺️ However, it’s a choice made with awareness. I don’t have rules about cutting anymore outside of heavily processed foods. These changes over the years have cultivated gratitude for the food before me. Not only did my food waste significantly fall off but I learned that there are many gifts in food prepared with love in a space that is your sanctuary.

Basque Cheesecake we enJOYed last week. 💕

Living Your Words

2019 wisdom:

It has come to my attention in the last weeks that living your words, holding yourself to your ideals, can come with uncharted territory – especially if your ideals are not aligned with the norm. Non judgement is the specific topic in mind. Living in a state that truly makes no judgements about people, may leave you without intuition to assist you in navigating various situations. You may feel adrift in deciding something about someone or something if you’ve moved away from the practice of making snap judgements or concluding something without definites before you. While this is disorienting at first, it also opens a space within you of allowance. Information that is accurate can be received in the space of allowance with time and openness. You may be provided with a large gap in questioning and knowing; you may find yourself months or years away from your answer, however, the answers will always come in the way you can receive them.

We are accustomed to instant gratification and to judgements. Once you begin this path of unlearning what you thought you knew and allowing each person and situation to show you who they are or what it is, I believe you can expect to be surprised by yourself and others. Will the surprises be pleasant? That depends on your attachment to the outcome. If you can practice non-judgement along with letting go of expectation while embracing your efforts to bring more light and love into this world, then the revelations cannot be unpleasant. Things just are what they are and you can greet that with open arms.

Work in Progress

I’ve been in my drafts folder the last week or so. Here’s another post written in 2020. I mostly still agree with what I wrote then, especially the last paragraph and as for the rest I suppose the excessive wordiness led to the resolution, so I’ll accept it as necessary to my process. ☺️

Five Years Ago:

When lines become attached across various aspects of our life so that the heart and mind also become intertwined, we can feel conflict between the two. When the heart and mind are separate from one another, we can instead develop an interest in what causes conflict and resolve response to our interests. The ability to separate SELF from mind where emotions reside creates room to instead reside in the heart from where purity of right action stems.

Facing conflict can release disguise of avoidance under appropriateness. What can be learned in staying with a situation that appears to present inappropriateness or conflict of interest if you are willing to abstain from your own interests – to deeply examine those, set them aside, and let something larger than you work in your stead?

The external is a reflection of the internal. We bring about situations externally to assist us in resolving what is unseen internally. This is not intentionally manipulated to be so in most cases; it is simply the nature of our world.

If there is no conflict internally, no conflict will show externally. If a conflict arises in the external, can it merely be a reminder to release the ego or does it need to be cut away externally to appease the internal discomfort created by perceived conflict? If the ego is released will not conflict fall away on it’s own?

Perhaps there’s no such thing as conflict of interest, only mind that seeks to be in balance, and the choice of working in the external or internal so that one can reflect the other as desired. Choose the inside work, otherwise the situation will show itself to you time and time again, though the faces and setting may be varied. Growth in peace with what is, as it is, will allow you to dissolve anything external that challenges your comfort.

– from a Chihuly exhibit at The Biltmore in 2024

(Not a huge fan of the Biltmore but a very big fan of this artist & his team. 💕)

Anonymous

It was the anonymity. He wanted to be unknown, unpossessed by others’ knowledge of him. That was freedom.

— Ling Ma

Quite a while back I was taken by the idea of paying it forward, inspired to choose random folks and random acts of kindness whenever the mood struck me. Typically this would be expressed out and about where crossing paths again if spotted was less likely. As my personal yoga practice grew and my heart space more embodied, I began bringing the giving in closer to home as well — perhaps dropping off something unexpected here or there but staying anonymous. It was fun, there were no expectations, and no one had a person to tie in to the act of receiving so we were all free in the experience.

At one point I had my kids looped in after we first moved to our current sanctuary and we made quite the summer day of shopping for our neighbors, stuffing bags full of whatever snacks and treats a 7 and 10 year old may choose, and then driving around to the 52 mail boxes to leave the shares anonymously. We would drive a little, park, all jump out with bags and scatter, then repeat until it was complete. One or two folks saw us but what unfolded later on the neighborhood list serve was just as fun; no one who posted actually saw us though they described a vehicle and people not like us and they had a bit of entertainment speculating. It was decided we had neighborhood fairies and they were all quite happy with their bags. Over the years people have still mentioned it and just last week (9 years later) a neighbor told me she thought it was us and that she still has the stickers my kids put in the bag.

I still appreciate a sweet pay it forward moment these days and I’ve come to the place of being able to own my sharing now too, but it wasn’t always easy for me when my name was attached because of the complexities that are possible with giving and receiving.

I spoke with my counselor about these shares back when the kids and I made the best of that summer day and she suggested I do this more personally in a way where I was allowed to be seen. It wasn’t comfortable, but I leaned into who in my community may be able to receive with an open heart and set about sharing baked goods or otherwise in various scenarios. With time, this grew into steady cycles in my life of giving and receiving without strings attached. I can give, receive, stay present, and be seen with ease. In a recent instance, I dropped off a share at one home and within twenty minutes someone else from another household had left a share at my home! I really took a long joyful pause that day with how wonderful it can be to step into the flow of giving without expectation; you may not have the freedom of anonymity but you may gain a sense of rightness with life that comes from being seen by others.

Both are good for different reasons.

Treasure

Written in 2020 —

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. After a little fun yesterday setting up a treasure hunt with one of my children for anyone who may like a diversion in the neighborhood, I’m thinking one mans treasure is not necessarily valuable to everyone because at least the first person who found it, checked the bag and left it assembled differently. To me that’s a lovely thing too because whoever that was didn’t value what they found enough to take it along with them and if something doesn’t match up with you, it certainly need not be a part of your journey. Where our values live helps us to connect with others who hold similar views and pass when not. The little bag makes me think of relationships in another way too: how many times have you met someone, spent some time with them, and found yourself altered after time together? Maybe after checking each other out something just didn’t line up or maybe it did for a time and then it was done. C’est la vie.

Nearsighted

When looking to understand something or someone, try to hold off on categorizing too soon. Give it time to reveal itself naturally.

We can often be mistaken in our labeling, seeing one thing that is truly something else altogether.

Perhaps that first assumption plays its part well enough but the details have their value in color, form, and saturation. If you take your time with all the information while giving every aspect breathing space and permission to be different than you thought, you may be pleasantly surprised by the freedom from limiting labels.

5D1A7425-4D55-4E40-87D9-7ABF6A33BF63