“Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?” — J.M. Barrie
“We rise by lifting others” — Robert Ingersol
Have you ever been in a relationship, either platonic or romantic , that required you to be less kind than you would be in your natural expression?
Have you ever felt contained, capped off, or extinguished by proximity or perhaps agreement spoken or not?
What kind of information does this provide you?
Let yourself sit with reflection on those connections that drain versus the ones that create peace as well as the ones that amplify your energy.
How are your relationships feeling when you look at those three categories?
When relationships are loving and supportive —truly based in love without fear, control can soften, and your better aspects based in love can be supported for expression in the world. You may find you can be kind without consequence and loving without reason to those sharing in the relationship as well as those encountered at varying degrees of frequency because your dominant vibration magnetizes the positive aspects of others.
When allowed to rise with love and kindness, every interaction can meet you in that elevated state.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —
Eleanor Roosevelt
This includes you! Check your relationship to self in this regard as well as the possible assumption that Eleanor Roosevelt meant only relationships outside of self. The more you hold loving space for yourself, the less tolerance you will have for scenarios that cannot reflect you accurately.
For example, a comment that doesn’t align with you will roll off as if it weren’t said and the impact will become only a reflection of the person who spoke. If the comment is an internal script, you will begin to notice it as untrue from the point of an observer.
The less sponge like you are for the projections of other people and mistruths you may be conditioned with , the more quickly your interactions will shift to mirror the truth of you.
Call your reality into true resonance by loving and respecting yourself deeply. ✔️✨
A photo from last year when I was first making the change to look at myself with loving kindness in the dressing room no matter how I may be feeling in my body and whether I liked the article of clothing or not. Before this change, I would find all sorts of judgmental faces in that space made at myself I’d never make at someone else. 💕 It was one of many ripples over the last decade that shifted my relationship to self. 💖 Small changes matter. 💫
I grew up in a household that valued eating out. A lot of meals were in or from restaurants which I remember preferring as a teenager and into my twenties. I did shift gears during those teenage years to cutting red meat, pork, and fried foods when I developed an interest in keeping restaurant options to healthier choices and when I became aware of my body as an instrument. I found that when I ate healthier I felt better and I sounded better too. During my first pregnancy I let the guidelines slip as my cravings with that babe included burgers, bacon, and salsa; it was super out of character for the foods normal to me at the time but I went with it. The second pregnancy was totally different with wanting more bread, cheese, and jams and thankfully felt a bit more in line with what I may choose when not pregnant. As I shifted out of the impact of child bearing into nursing with each infant, I found myself brining in new lenses on what I was eating and what I would be feeding my children. Being responsible for their bodies too began to shift my relationship with what was on the plate and eating out. As nursing moved into a time period for me to reset my body, I found myself only wanting to reserve eating out for special occasions or if restaurant meals picked up because life was busy, sticking with salads, healthy grains, and protein to get a better handle on exactly what was in the food. I needed points of regulation and this helped me tremendously. I also picked up reading material such as different cultural relationships with food (Reading “French Woman Don’t Get Fat when I was in my late twenties gave me a lot to think about as I saw such striking differences between how I grew up relating to food in America versus what this author shares.) as well as other ideas like eating for your blood type, choosing natural sugars, whole dairy in moderation, increasing fiber, and at one point being pescatarian with my son for a year when he wanted to try this.
Considering different ways to approach my relationship with food alongside cooking at home gave me a satisfaction in caring for my body and my family in a way that didn’t happen when I was only invested in taste and ease. Sure, if the meal were executed in fine dining style, then maybe I did go at a snail’s pace savoring every bit of the way and let taste rule but there’s something exquisite in reserving that for a sometimes treat. For ordinary daily living, the act of planning what to prepare, shopping for meals, letting it be simple more often than not, going slow with the process of cooking, and then eating in our home turned into a practice of mindfulness and joy. I know that even though we are unfortunately fast eaters, this slowed at least me down. I learned to consciously bring love and care in my mind and then into my body while making the meals so that the food would be infused with good feeling energy. The entire experience of nourishing yourself and others can work as a multilayered meditative process.
Over the years, the impulse to eat out and the draw of new food novelty or familiar indulgence comforts more often than not was replaced with: “I’ll feel better after if I make it at home.” or “How can I get creative with what’s in the house and caring for myself / loved ones?” Do I still have moments of ease with ordering out and is it sometimes fried? Yes, I do and it is! Have I cut desserts? Absolutely not. I love them. ☺️ However, it’s a choice made with awareness. I don’t have rules about cutting anymore outside of heavily processed foods. These changes over the years have cultivated gratitude for the food before me. Not only did my food waste significantly fall off but I learned that there are many gifts in food prepared with love in a space that is your sanctuary.
It has come to my attention in the last weeks that living your words, holding yourself to your ideals, can come with uncharted territory – especially if your ideals are not aligned with the norm. Non judgement is the specific topic in mind. Living in a state that truly makes no judgements about people, may leave you without intuition to assist you in navigating various situations. You may feel adrift in deciding something about someone or something if you’ve moved away from the practice of making snap judgements or concluding something without definites before you. While this is disorienting at first, it also opens a space within you of allowance. Information that is accurate can be received in the space of allowance with time and openness. You may be provided with a large gap in questioning and knowing; you may find yourself months or years away from your answer, however, the answers will always come in the way you can receive them.
We are accustomed to instant gratification and to judgements. Once you begin this path of unlearning what you thought you knew and allowing each person and situation to show you who they are or what it is, I believe you can expect to be surprised by yourself and others. Will the surprises be pleasant? That depends on your attachment to the outcome. If you can practice non-judgement along with letting go of expectation while embracing your efforts to bring more light and love into this world, then the revelations cannot be unpleasant. Things just are what they are and you can greet that with open arms.
I have been blessed with a lens into the most beautiful support from women in the last few years that allows one to hope for a nurturing future of how we connect to one another in community. Honestly, I have been lucky to have a handful of wonderful friendships from a young age with girls who have become lovely women. I know not every woman is so fortunate, however, the choices for women are evolving. I have been part of a group of women who are absolutely dedicated to supporting each other however they show up for the love of sacred feminine energy re-emerging on this planet. That means all judgements and comparisons are dropped and competition is not entertained as necessary or desirable, and not just because a woman has aged out of being perceived as a threat; acceptance is offered with camaraderie simply because you showed up. Wow, yes to more of this!
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We all have our own paths and learn how to be in the world based on our familial exposures and that cannot escape the over culture that creates our conditioning on a larger scale. I grew up in a household of a working mother and my closest friends in elementary as well as middle school had mothers that stayed at home and maybe who decided to work when they were older, some in traditional systems and one as an artist from her own space. My mother focused on work outside the home and with time became the breadwinner of our family. It was a different dynamic than the other households of my friends. I noticed their mothers were more relaxed and perhaps happier in some regards while I knew my own mother was pleased with what she had been able to create in her life after marrying my father while still in high school. I was proud of my mom and felt she was an excellent example of dedication to making the best of your circumstances.
Years down the line, I was surprised when I found myself desiring to stay at home with my children, and I felt it created an assumed point of disappointment with my mother though now I know differently. Before this — my work as an elementary music teacher had already faced the judgement of females who had chosen careers of more influence and power. I found as I moved in the world as an early twenty something that elementary public education was not so valued by many. Parents of students were unbelievably disrespectful and colleges of my at the time husband who was studying medicine on occasion belittled the work calling it “cute” or “adorable” (never his male colleges by the way, only the females) which when I was still living from an immature ego myself, infuriated me. I felt my work was important but also that because it was with children, knew it was perceived as less valuable. This is nonsense, of course, because music works across both hemispheres of the brain to create better coordination and advanced thinking as well as providing an emotional processing platform for youth among other things. Working with children is an incredibly powerful point of shifting the future reality of humanity as we mold the subconscious and nurture belief systems with more ease at that impressionable period of life. If you want to make a change, do it within yourself and then with your children.
With my spiritual work and diligence to changing patterns within the familial line that I knew were not going to be passed on to my children and enough years staying at home to deeply accept my choice, I now no longer care how I am perceived by a woman who has chosen differently. I knew what I had to do once the children were here and I have the good fortunate of being supported in doing so for which I am eternally grateful. I didn’t want the rearing of my children in the hands of paid providers. There’s nothing like being faced with your ingrained patterns as well as those of the other parent day in and out, and work outside of your home can make the perfect escape so that outdated patterns persist. Can you work and make these changes? Yes, absolutely, if you are self aware with a want to improve, you can. Can you stay at home and ignore needed change? Yes, absolutely. Immersion made the way clear here.
These life experiences have created for me a vantage point of total support for other women in whatever they choose so long as their hearts are happy and they have the support they need in however their paths take direction. However, I sometimes still encounter a woman who carries a sharp edge in her tone for the woman who stays at home, maybe she dismisses her as less important than other woman who work or makes defensive comments for her choice. While I don’t care how I am perceived, I do care for the good of women and the connections women are able to form. If the working woman can see that the work of living everyday for every person has its inherent value regardless of the system or the kind of work — it would release her from judgement. If the woman working feels judged as somehow less of a mother or less of a woman, how far from the truth is that? It’s only as true as we give it belief. If the woman choosing to stay at home can be at peace with the work she is offering as just as valid as whatever current societal stories are pitching, we may all be able to claim our womanhood for however it fits each of us best. We are all Goddesses, as far I am concerned and we are all working, children or not.
If we could drop these judgements, how much better would we all be?
Imagine if we replaced all the judging and comparison with lifting each other up. What if we women united and allowed ourselves to be in the energy of fierce love and devotion to one another simply because we can see that’s where real influence and power can thrive for the good of us all?
Jessica, the lovely soul who began this blog with me back in 2016, reached out yesterday to share a video she found of the actor James Van Der Beek speaking on his experience of cancer and being stripped of the roles that defined his worth.
When we were in high school, Jess and I were extras in the pilot of Dawson’s Creek which became his claim to fame in the roll of a small town boy seeking a career in film making. While neither she or I watched the series in full and there was no direct exchange with this man during those days on set, we both felt a little extra jolt around death in midlife. I’m sure many folks in this age range feel the passing of a well known 40something in a certain kind of way for his familial loss and life not lived.
His vision was towards recovery during this recording and his words from the heart:
Otrespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. — Shakespeare
So often we look outside ourselves for something to be satiated internally. We want people to love us so that we feel a certain way or we want a thing that will help us embody a particular energy – maybe confidence or desirability. We want someone else to tell us or show us we are good enough. At the root of it all, we are seeking love and quite possibly we look for our divinity everywhere but inside. If someone else sees us in our best light or appreciates something about us, it must mean we are lovable and that can be addictive. You can find yourself chasing illusory love through achievements, big ticket items, grand experiences, or the presence of another reflecting your divine birthright of love —- or you can give that source energy to yourself and be delighted when someone else offers you the same without a sense of longing.
Longing is not in and of itself bad , (it may ultimately lead you to a spiritual path) but it can leave you feeling pretty out of sorts until you see it for what it is: an invitation to seek within, to hold yourself with what you wish to be reflected back, and to know YOU dearest one are love.
“In the Divine Plan, every righteous desire of the heart is satisfied”. – Florence Scovel Shinn
When I was 17 I had the inspiration to write a list of what I wanted in life. I included details about my ideal partner, my children, how it would feel to be together, and how I would feel with all those things secured. I sealed up the list in an envelope and I tucked it into my favorite book at the time.
Twelve years later, I was packing up to move to another state with that ideal partner and those two kids just in the gender order I had specified, and the forgotten list fell out of the book. I paused for a long while looking over what 17 year old me had very directly listed I wanted to have and I felt everything freeze around me seeing it all received. I HAD EVERYTHING I WANTED. That may look like a lovely blessing and I definitely felt it as such at the time. I was a bit wowed at how I had simply listed it all and easily received it all without toiling over it. I didn’t repeatedly look at the list and wonder about how it would happen. I just clearly stated what I wanted and let it go. So this realization of how life *can work shifted into my conscious awareness and I say it like this because I have no doubt that some unconscious part of me understood already. It also helps that I wasn’t asking for anything outside of the realm of what we consider to be common occurrence. Those things take more trust and imagination to bring about.
As the move continued on, I didn’t think about the list much more but in the year to come, I found myself begin questioning everything I thought I understood about reality. HOW did that happen exactly? I began to feel curious about astrology and venture down pathways to understand different lenses of life as well as to write poetry and some short stories regularly which caused me to seek inspiration points in others. I found observing the qualities in others as well the way people relate to one another to be an excellent past time; it was super informative for how reality appears to be different depending on the participants.
As more time passed, I began to have symptoms of what many refer to as spiritual awakening. I felt different in my reality, with contrast coming up between me and those around me. I saw others differently than I had seen them before because I was changing. I learned to respond differently to the reality to heal the unhealthy patterns that were playing. I devoted myself to creating a healthier physical form after childbirths and within that began a practice of Kundalini yoga which I attribute now to the pattern awareness that occurred. When I first practiced this yoga I felt like I would vomit after every session for many weeks, and yet for some reason I kept doing it with adjustments here and there to help myself through that reaction. More recently, in a training to teach Kundalini, I understood that was a release of toxins in my body. The breath work and the lymphatic cleanse cleared so much energetic density from my body and it was absolutely worth it to do that work and to ultimately feel better. This also meant becoming more sensitive to my body and what my body needed as well as what it did not need.
I became more sensitive to everything around me as well. I could always read people with ease, but their motivations began to become apparent to me and I could feel their feelings too so that a person’s energy would speak to me before they ever said a word. I found this to be overwhelming for a time, wishing I could just process myself and not so much other information at once too. As I learned to anchor into this way of experiencing life, my external reality took on some challenges that didn’t match that original list at all. Everything I wanted was shifting into an external expression that wasn’t at all what I wanted, but now that I’m a decade deep into venturing away from the list, I’ll say I’ve come to view the growth that has occurred as it’s own blessing. Loss is a great teacher. I’ve learned to have gratitude in each day, to let forgiveness be an ever-present practice, to be mindful of what I speak, that saying less and sometimes nothing is more effective than anything I could have uttered, how to give without a thought for what may come back, how to expect the best from others knowing that allows them to show up as such, and how to love others as well as myself unconditionally. I’ve also learned to trust the universe to know best what’s in alignment with my highest good and to welcome what shows up in my reality now under that frequency.
Sometimes our ego and our soul want or need different things. Making sure they’re aligned is imperative. Otherwise, it could be that everything you want is only in service to a particular aspect of you, but not in service to the whole. That moment of thinking “I have everything I wanted” for me was a gateway to one of many spiritual awakenings. Sometimes Spirit creates a little precursor moment to releasing the ego because the soul has other plans.
“The use of the violet consuming flame is more valuable to you and to all mankind than all the wealth, all the gold and all the jewels of this planet. ” – Saint Germain
I first came across a book on use of the Violet Flame in a chain bookstore while my husband at the time and I were there. He was lego interested and I was not particularly, so I found myself wandering over to the new age spirituality section which I hadn’t spent time in since my late teenage years. Somehow I was interested to peek there with no current reading agenda that required a purchase but because I had recently been given a gift card to the store, there I was.
I stumbled across a very small book tucked in to the shelf called, “The Violet Flame”. Having an incredible fondness for the word violet, I had to peek. I’ll explain myself a bit more: My great aunt was named Violet and she made herself available to care for me as a premature infant, living with my family for a time period until I had grown to the point that my parents felt comfortable with other arrangements. She and I developed a sweet bond that continued on until she passed away when I was twelve. Besides this, the previous husband with me at the store had partially grown up on Violet Court and was living there when I met him, and one of my favorite group song projects from my freshmen year of school was Das Veilchen by Mozart which you may guess means “The Violet”. It’s a funny little song about a violet who wishes more than anything to be plucked and held by a maiden he admires. Instead of his wish, she tramples him and still he is satisfied because it was her… So I was drawn to the word Violet and had to know about this flame. The book had bits in it that rubbed me the wrong way at the time because of religious intonations but the curiosity I felt was stronger than the uncomfortableness. I bought it along with some other treasures that day.
I began with the prayers in the book as meditations and chose to think of them like that so that I could move past my limitations and just see how those words may work in my life. The more I recited the words, which I did about three times a day, the lighter I felt. Forgiveness began to move through me in new ways and other books began to show up in my life that allowed me to work even more thoroughly with forgiveness and compassion for memories that replayed of childhood challenges and scenarios that cropped up as a newish parent myself. The words I found in this book allowed me to go back into memories and release what was difficult as well as to do that in the moment when I found myself feeling blaming energy. The words helped me again years down the road when I found myself living without a husband and doing my best to offer steady, balanced, and loving parenting to my children so they wouldn’t need to go into their memories as adults to forgive mistreatment. However, I’m not claiming to be a perfect parent here. I’m sure my children will have things they plan to do differently and if they can make improvements, I applaud them. I hope they will.
In hindsight, I know this little book was a gift to come across and in the case it helps you now, I’ll share one of the prayers I found to be especially supportive:
I AM Forgiveness acting here, Casting out all doubt and fear, Setting men forever free With wings of cosmic Victory.
I AM calling in full power For Forgiveness every hour; To all life in every place I flood forth forgiving Grace.
If you choose to work with this text, it’s also lovely to close your eyes and visualize a gently warming violet flame holding you as you recite. As you grow more comfortable, see the flame growing also. Let the flame grow to hold your home, your neighborhood, your community, and beyond until you have the entire planet wrapped in the violet flame with forgiving grace circling everyone and everything.
Forgiveness is important work and the more you can forgive, the better life will be. Hope you decide to try this out, dearest ones.
“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up” — Paul Valéry.
We could look at this quote and marvel at the simplicity of first getting yourself out of bed everyday and consistently moving towards your dreams: one step at the time. To shift yourself from contemplation to actionable reality perhaps was what the French poet intend we derive. However, I can’t help but pull multiple meanings from this every time my eyes scan over the words. Perhaps we’ve been in one way of thinking too long and we must wake up to a pattern. Maybe it’s that we’ve been excusing behavior from others that limits us and we have to wake up to claiming our own right to space and expression. It’s even possible that we’ve settled into relationships that were comfortable for us at one point in time but as we all grow and change, we have to remember to wake up to the present and not the past versions because who we and they were five, ten, twenty years ago isn’t the same as today. Life may cause us to go through something that shifts us in a particular way to prepare us for a new way of being that we have to wake up to. From yet another perspective, perhaps the dominant energy in whatever life dynamics we find ourselves is providing the perfect illusions to keep us small and working in systems that deter our growth or keep us dependent on someone else’s dream or base desires. Within the same thinking, it could also be that our energy feeds the demands of another and we have so little left for our own wants and dreams that we begin to feel deflated. Perhaps we don’t even know what to dream anymore…
There are so many ways we may find ourselves waking up to reclaim and probably redefine our right to dream. Please don’t assume these dreams have to be big to be valuable. The smallest dreaming is quite powerful and affirming. You may find small dreams are the most rewarding all along your path. We certainly all deserve to live nourished and free in our hearts desires – surrounded by those who help us remember our sacred sovereignty.
Presence and Positivity 