Tag: Purposeful living

Friendly Equals Flirty

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve visited this topic with my closest female friend and my sister. We all have a more friendly outgoing nature when we are in situations that put us at ease or there’s not a threat of some kind that causes a need to monitor your natural energy. Once in a while for some folks this is a problem because they assume the friendliness is flirting; you must be asking for more with being so darn friendly. The thing is, for each of us, that’s not the case. Friendly equals friendly and that’s it.

Many years ago a woman in a shop greeted my sister and I when we were in our extra exuberant playful and friendly energy with a comment that allowed me more understanding about this. She said, “Wow, you two are super joyful. That’s such a high vibe.” I was able to see it as simply an energy mismatch for another person if they weren’t feeling joyful and if joy felt too far away to access in that moment, it could be annoying.

When the friendliness causes others to feel uncomfortable or threatened, it’s truly a reminder to look within. It can help us look at what it would take to get back to joy, if that’s what we’d ultimately like to do. It can also help us to accept that we are in a different feeling state than someone else and skip the judgements. You have to start with asking what it is about you or your life experiences that feels uncomfortable in that external friendliness and joy? Must there be an ulterior motive if that’s your assumption?

I take this advice for myself too. Anytime something makes me uncomfortable, I pause to ask the feeling what is has to teach me. What do I need to learn? Just today something made me uncomfortable, and this evening, I will take that to my meditation as well as journaling time. I know it’s to do with authority and control as well as a tendency to sour at systems that seek to contort us from our true expressions, however, there must still be something to learn because I had a feeling cue today that kept me from expressing the joy that could have moved though me in response. I don’t write this to suggest that Joy is a more important feeling than any other feeling or that other feelings are meant to be overlooked or escaped. Every feeling has value and I think it’s important to stay with each feeling for as long as what may come from it has some good for you. It’s just as important to understand we choose how we feel by what we focus on.

Here’s to being honest with ourselves and staying open to learning when the opportunities present. May we be aware enough to see ourselves clearly and to hold steady or change depending on what’s required so that more of our soul light can be inhabited in each moment. ✨💛✨

Mindful Eating

I grew up in a household that valued eating out. A lot of meals were in or from restaurants which I remember preferring as a teenager and into my twenties. I did shift gears during those teenage years to cutting red meat, pork, and fried foods when I developed an interest in keeping restaurant options to healthier choices and when I became aware of my body as an instrument. I found that when I ate healthier I felt better and I sounded better too. During my first pregnancy I let the guidelines slip as my cravings with that babe included burgers, bacon, and salsa; it was super out of character for the foods normal to me at the time but I went with it. The second pregnancy was totally different with wanting more bread, cheese, and jams and thankfully felt a bit more in line with what I may choose when not pregnant. As I shifted out of the impact of child bearing into nursing with each infant, I found myself brining in new lenses on what I was eating and what I would be feeding my children. Being responsible for their bodies too began to shift my relationship with what was on the plate and eating out. As nursing moved into a time period for me to reset my body, I found myself only wanting to reserve eating out for special occasions or if restaurant meals picked up because life was busy, sticking with salads, healthy grains, and protein to get a better handle on exactly what was in the food. I needed points of regulation and this helped me tremendously. I also picked up reading material such as different cultural relationships with food (Reading “French Woman Don’t Get Fat when I was in my late twenties gave me a lot to think about as I saw such striking differences between how I grew up relating to food in America versus what this author shares.) as well as other ideas like eating for your blood type, choosing natural sugars, whole dairy in moderation, increasing fiber, and at one point being pescatarian with my son for a year when he wanted to try this.

Considering different ways to approach my relationship with food alongside cooking at home gave me a satisfaction in caring for my body and my family in a way that didn’t happen when I was only invested in taste and ease. Sure, if the meal were executed in fine dining style, then maybe I did go at a snail’s pace savoring every bit of the way and let taste rule but there’s something exquisite in reserving that for a sometimes treat. For ordinary daily living, the act of planning what to prepare, shopping for meals, letting it be simple more often than not, going slow with the process of cooking, and then eating in our home turned into a practice of mindfulness and joy. I know that even though we are unfortunately fast eaters, this slowed at least me down. I learned to consciously bring love and care in my mind and then into my body while making the meals so that the food would be infused with good feeling energy. The entire experience of nourishing yourself and others can work as a multilayered meditative process.

Over the years, the impulse to eat out and the draw of new food novelty or familiar indulgence comforts more often than not was replaced with: “I’ll feel better after if I make it at home.” or “How can I get creative with what’s in the house and caring for myself / loved ones?” Do I still have moments of ease with ordering out and is it sometimes fried? Yes, I do and it is! Have I cut desserts? Absolutely not. I love them. ☺️ However, it’s a choice made with awareness. I don’t have rules about cutting anymore outside of heavily processed foods. These changes over the years have cultivated gratitude for the food before me. Not only did my food waste significantly fall off but I learned that there are many gifts in food prepared with love in a space that is your sanctuary.

Basque Cheesecake we enJOYed last week. 💕

Anonymous

It was the anonymity. He wanted to be unknown, unpossessed by others’ knowledge of him. That was freedom.

— Ling Ma

Quite a while back I was taken by the idea of paying it forward, inspired to choose random folks and random acts of kindness whenever the mood struck me. Typically this would be expressed out and about where crossing paths again if spotted was less likely. As my personal yoga practice grew and my heart space more embodied, I began bringing the giving in closer to home as well — perhaps dropping off something unexpected here or there but staying anonymous. It was fun, there were no expectations, and no one had a person to tie in to the act of receiving so we were all free in the experience.

At one point I had my kids looped in after we first moved to our current sanctuary and we made quite the summer day of shopping for our neighbors, stuffing bags full of whatever snacks and treats a 7 and 10 year old may choose, and then driving around to the 52 mail boxes to leave the shares anonymously. We would drive a little, park, all jump out with bags and scatter, then repeat until it was complete. One or two folks saw us but what unfolded later on the neighborhood list serve was just as fun; no one who posted actually saw us though they described a vehicle and people not like us and they had a bit of entertainment speculating. It was decided we had neighborhood fairies and they were all quite happy with their bags. Over the years people have still mentioned it and just last week (9 years later) a neighbor told me she thought it was us and that she still has the stickers my kids put in the bag.

I still appreciate a sweet pay it forward moment these days and I’ve come to the place of being able to own my sharing now too, but it wasn’t always easy for me when my name was attached because of the complexities that are possible with giving and receiving.

I spoke with my counselor about these shares back when the kids and I made the best of that summer day and she suggested I do this more personally in a way where I was allowed to be seen. It wasn’t comfortable, but I leaned into who in my community may be able to receive with an open heart and set about sharing baked goods or otherwise in various scenarios. With time, this grew into steady cycles in my life of giving and receiving without strings attached. I can give, receive, stay present, and be seen with ease. In a recent instance, I dropped off a share at one home and within twenty minutes someone else from another household had left a share at my home! I really took a long joyful pause that day with how wonderful it can be to step into the flow of giving without expectation; you may not have the freedom of anonymity but you may gain a sense of rightness with life that comes from being seen by others.

Both are good for different reasons.

Hope

“Hope” is the thing with feathers

BY EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

And sings the tune without the words –

And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –

And sore must be the storm –

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –

And on the strangest Sea –

Yet – never – in Extremity,

It asked a crumb – of me.

——————————————————

I go back and forth on hope and its use to our wellness. I love it, I love it not. Some people argue it’s necessary to life and some people argue it can keep you stuck when expectation can take you further. I’m currently convinced it’s all in what hope means to you and if that energy is disempowering or empowering in your daily choices.

What is your relationship with Hope?

In the Bag

My family traveled to the mountains in the spring of last year to support my son’s college exploration. Once his tour wrapped up we wanted to check out the local scene. (Does this feel like home for the next few years?) After a superbly tasteful lunch we found ourselves in an interesting herbal tea shop with candles, crystals, tie-dye this and that, and other fun finds. My son was honestly in and out of there quickly but my daughter lingered a little longer to find a gift for a friend that was back home caring for our cats and I had to snag a few loose leaf tea blends to share with neighbors. When we were almost finished checking out the clerk at the counter said, “the angels are in the bag” and smiled with a little sparkle in his eyes. I thought maybe he was talking about the energy of angels being channeled by him into the bag. The bag was folded neatly over and though I half wanted to unroll it and check right then and there, I felt I was either supposed to just get it or left the possibility open that he didn’t say what I thought he said. I took the bag, smiled as if I knew what was up, said thank you, and wished the clerk a good day. Guessing my bag would explode with angel energy when I opened it, I decided to hold off until our shopping was done and we were back at the Airbnb. So as the day went on and our attention became flooded with other details I didn’t open the bag at all. I packed the unopened souvenirs in the suitcase and moved on to the next activity.

When we were back home a few days later I opened the bag to share the treats we found in the shop — and lo and behold at the bottom of the bag there were golden angels gracing the crease. I removed the little confetti trumpeting angels and laughed at how literal this was. There was nothing to guess at and nothing misheard.

These days I keep the little cuties in the kitchen as a reminder to not overthink things because “the angels are in the bag”.

Own the Day

A bit of Emerson to brighten your day✨

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day,
and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely,
with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”


–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Resource

“It takes discipline to be a free spirit.”

Gabrielle Roth

When you decide you want to be a free spirit in this world, it will require your steady devotion. You’ll have to show up at the spiritual feast every day and partake in whatever is offered with awareness towards your hunger and your satiation.

You are your greatest resource, sweet soul. Born among a creative and resourceful species, it’s you that knows what will nurture you most at this time. We need different things at different times — a little more sun — a little less water— breathing room —- listen with care to your internal guidance.

Choose wisely and be relentless in showing up for yourself.