Tag: #mindfulness

Work in Progress

I’ve been in my drafts folder the last week or so. Here’s another post written in 2020. I mostly still agree with what I wrote then, especially the last paragraph and as for the rest I suppose the excessive wordiness led to the resolution, so I’ll accept it as necessary to my process. ☺️

Five Years Ago:

When lines become attached across various aspects of our life so that the heart and mind also become intertwined, we can feel conflict between the two.  When the heart and mind are separate from one another, we can instead develop an interest in what causes conflict and resolve response to our interests.  The ability to separate SELF from mind where emotions reside creates room to instead reside in the heart from where purity of right action stems.

Facing conflict can release disguise of avoidance under appropriateness.  What can be learned in staying with a situation that appears to present inappropriateness or conflict of interest if you are willing to abstain from your own interests – to deeply examine those, set them aside, and let something larger than you work in your stead?

The external is a reflection of the internal.  We bring about situations externally to assist us in resolving what is unseen internally.  This is not intentionally manipulated to be so in most cases; it is simply the nature of our world.

If there is no conflict internally, no conflict will show externally.  If a conflict arises in the external, can it merely be a reminder to release the ego or does it need to be cut away externally to appease the internal discomfort created by perceived conflict?  If the ego is released will not conflict fall away on it’s own?

Perhaps there’s no such thing as conflict of interest, only mind that seeks to be in balance, and the choice of working in the external or internal so that one can reflect the other as desired.  Choose the inside work, otherwise the situation will show itself to you time and time again, though the faces and setting may be varied.  Growth in peace with what is, as it is, will allow you to dissolve anything external that challenges your comfort.

– from a Chihuly exhibit at The Biltmore in 2024

(Not a huge fan of the Biltmore but a very big fan of this artist & his team. 💕)

Treasure

Written in 2020 —

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.  After a little fun yesterday setting up a treasure hunt with one of my children for anyone who may like a diversion in the neighborhood, I’m thinking one mans treasure is not necessarily valuable to everyone because at least the first person who found it, checked the bag and left it assembled differently.  To me that’s a lovely thing too because whoever that was didn’t value what they found enough to take it along with them and if something doesn’t match up with you, it certainly need not be a part of your journey. Where our values live helps us to connect with others who hold similar views and pass when not.  The little bag makes me think of relationships in another way too: how many times have you met someone, spent some time with them, and found yourself altered after time together?  Maybe after checking each other out something just didn’t line up or maybe it did for a time and then it was done. C’est la vie.

Seek Within

O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. — Shakespeare

So often we look outside ourselves for something to be satiated internally. We want people to love us so that we feel a certain way or we want a thing that will help us embody a particular energy – maybe confidence or desirability. We want someone else to tell us or show us we are good enough. At the root of it all, we are seeking love and quite possibly we look for our divinity everywhere but inside. If someone else sees us in our best light or appreciates something about us, it must mean we are lovable and that can be addictive. You can find yourself chasing illusory love through achievements, big ticket items, grand experiences, or the presence of another reflecting your divine birthright of love —- or you can give that source energy to yourself and be delighted when someone else offers you the same without a sense of longing.

Longing is not in and of itself bad , (it may ultimately lead you to a spiritual path) but it can leave you feeling pretty out of sorts until you see it for what it is: an invitation to seek within, to hold yourself with what you wish to be reflected back, and to know YOU dearest one are love.

Good Enough

Many folks struggle with perfectionism across different fields. We may want any extension of ourselves to be perceived as perfect in the workplace or even as a hobbyist. Truly this depends on your internal scripts and your intentionality in being. My personal experience began in musical expression, primarily vocal, for the enjoyment I found there. With interest leading to classical study, I found myself in a world of strict do’s and don’ts which shaped me and prepared me to execute some things I didn’t know I was capable of and in other ways stripped me of my authentic voice. I didn’t continue with a disciplined personal study of music for more than 8 years before trading the trainee role for a teachers role. Once in that position and honing in on the child’s experience of music, I began to see the value of play over perfectionism. With each year, I witnessed more benefit in play and exploration of sound for its power in creating meaningful experiences. I wondered at the value of the work I did with youth choral groups shaping them into various visions of mine. While that provided satisfaction for me in some regards, the overall learning experience and embodiment of expression was far greater in sound play without prescribed performance goals.

As that part of my life wrapped up and I found myself staying at home with my own children, other creative goals crept in and I found my internal script for what was good enough to share and what wasn’t as strong as ever. I wrote poetry without telling anyone what I was up to so I’d not have to hear a critique and knowing the minute it was under someone else’s gaze, my own would become harsher. I began baking with the aim of perfecting pie crust because I’m goal oriented and I needed that idea of perfection to run the actions enough times to understand what makes a marvelous flaky crust. The baking interest continued beyond pie crust and strongly alongside writing poetry, however, the baking I found myself sharing with others. It was safer somehow even though it too can invite critique and there are quite a few ways to screw up a batch of cookies or turn out a cake that’s a total flop. Even so, when it’s flour, fat, and liquid that fails it somehow seems more forgivable than a poorly executed score or script.

I did find myself tossing baked goods that just weren’t good enough to share because I was constantly trying new recipes and not necessarily focused on making something tried and true. However, as the years roll on and I no longer run mind scripts about getting things perfect because I’ve dropped that concept as a worthy effort, I let myself share baked goods that would have never made it out of my house ten years ago. I experiment with recipes and share them while usually letting folks know, “hey, this isn’t my best and I’m working on that recipe.” Or “wow, this isn’t my favorite recipe. Would you like to try it anyhow?” Most people don’t care at all. They appreciate the honesty and will try your less than best with open anticipation for the next round. I’ve found there’s a lot of freedom in sharing whatever it is that’s been made and being ok with that not meaning anything about me except that I’m a walking example of what it means to free yourself from the grips of perfectionism.

Once you allow this into one part of your life, it can take hold elsewhere and you may find yourself capable of loving yourself and others with a lot less expectation and much more ease.

Visitors

Oh if we are not present, if we are not watching, what we can miss! I have been accused of being ‘easily distracted’, mostly by my kids. I am always looking and watching for the next creature or sky to fascinate me. I find very little disappointment in quiet chores or sit spots when every visitor, minuscule or enormous, is so sweet and cup-filling.