I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. After a little fun yesterday setting up a treasure hunt with one of my children for anyone who may like a diversion in the neighborhood, I’m thinking one mans treasure is not necessarily valuable to everyone because at least the first person who found it, checked the bag and left it assembled differently. To me that’s a lovely thing too because whoever that was didn’t value what they found enough to take it along with them and if something doesn’t match up with you, it certainly need not be a part of your journey. Where our values live helps us to connect with others who hold similar views and pass when not. The little bag makes me think of relationships in another way too: how many times have you met someone, spent some time with them, and found yourself altered after time together? Maybe after checking each other out something just didn’t line up or maybe it did for a time and then it was done. C’est la vie.
When looking to understand something or someone, try to hold off on categorizing too soon. Give it time to reveal itself naturally.
We can often be mistaken in our labeling, seeing one thing that is truly something else altogether.
Perhaps that first assumption plays its part well enough but the details have their value in color, form, and saturation. If you take your time with all the information while giving every aspect breathing space and permission to be different than you thought, you may be pleasantly surprised by the freedom from limiting labels.
I have been blessed with a lens into the most beautiful support from women in the last few years that allows one to hope for a nurturing future of how we connect to one another in community. Honestly, I have been lucky to have a handful of wonderful friendships from a young age with girls who have become lovely women. I know not every woman is so fortunate, however, the choices for women are evolving. I have been part of a group of women who are absolutely dedicated to supporting each other however they show up for the love of sacred feminine energy re-emerging on this planet. That means all judgements and comparisons are dropped and competition is not entertained as necessary or desirable, and not just because a woman has aged out of being perceived as a threat; acceptance is offered with camaraderie simply because you showed up. Wow, yes to more of this!
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We all have our own paths and learn how to be in the world based on our familial exposures and that cannot escape the over culture that creates our conditioning on a larger scale. I grew up in a household of a working mother and my closest friends in elementary as well as middle school had mothers that stayed at home and maybe who decided to work when they were older, some in traditional systems and one as an artist from her own space. My mother focused on work outside the home and with time became the breadwinner of our family. It was a different dynamic than the other households of my friends. I noticed their mothers were more relaxed and perhaps happier in some regards while I knew my own mother was pleased with what she had been able to create in her life after marrying my father while still in high school. I was proud of my mom and felt she was an excellent example of dedication to making the best of your circumstances.
Years down the line, I was surprised when I found myself desiring to stay at home with my children, and I felt it created an assumed point of disappointment with my mother though now I know differently. Before this — my work as an elementary music teacher had already faced the judgement of females who had chosen careers of more influence and power. I found as I moved in the world as an early twenty something that elementary public education was not so valued by many. Parents of students were unbelievably disrespectful and colleges of my at the time husband who was studying medicine on occasion belittled the work calling it “cute” or “adorable” (never his male colleges by the way, only the females) which when I was still living from an immature ego myself, infuriated me. I felt my work was important but also that because it was with children, knew it was perceived as less valuable. This is nonsense, of course, because music works across both hemispheres of the brain to create better coordination and advanced thinking as well as providing an emotional processing platform for youth among other things. Working with children is an incredibly powerful point of shifting the future reality of humanity as we mold the subconscious and nurture belief systems with more ease at that impressionable period of life. If you want to make a change, do it within yourself and then with your children.
With my spiritual work and diligence to changing patterns within the familial line that I knew were not going to be passed on to my children and enough years staying at home to deeply accept my choice, I now no longer care how I am perceived by a woman who has chosen differently. I knew what I had to do once the children were here and I have the good fortunate of being supported in doing so for which I am eternally grateful. I didn’t want the rearing of my children in the hands of paid providers. There’s nothing like being faced with your ingrained patterns as well as those of the other parent day in and out, and work outside of your home can make the perfect escape so that outdated patterns persist. Can you work and make these changes? Yes, absolutely, if you are self aware with a want to improve, you can. Can you stay at home and ignore needed change? Yes, absolutely. Immersion made the way clear here.
These life experiences have created for me a vantage point of total support for other women in whatever they choose so long as their hearts are happy and they have the support they need in however their paths take direction. However, I sometimes still encounter a woman who carries a sharp edge in her tone for the woman who stays at home, maybe she dismisses her as less important than other woman who work or makes defensive comments for her choice. While I don’t care how I am perceived, I do care for the good of women and the connections women are able to form. If the working woman can see that the work of living everyday for every person has its inherent value regardless of the system or the kind of work — it would release her from judgement. If the woman working feels judged as somehow less of a mother or less of a woman, how far from the truth is that? It’s only as true as we give it belief. If the woman choosing to stay at home can be at peace with the work she is offering as just as valid as whatever current societal stories are pitching, we may all be able to claim our womanhood for however it fits each of us best. We are all Goddesses, as far I am concerned and we are all working, children or not.
If we could drop these judgements, how much better would we all be?
Imagine if we replaced all the judging and comparison with lifting each other up. What if we women united and allowed ourselves to be in the energy of fierce love and devotion to one another simply because we can see that’s where real influence and power can thrive for the good of us all?
Jessica, the lovely soul who began this blog with me back in 2016, reached out yesterday to share a video she found of the actor James Van Der Beek speaking on his experience of cancer and being stripped of the roles that defined his worth.
When we were in high school, Jess and I were extras in the pilot of Dawson’s Creek which became his claim to fame in the roll of a small town boy seeking a career in film making. While neither she or I watched the series in full and there was no direct exchange with this man during those days on set, we both felt a little extra jolt around death in midlife. I’m sure many folks in this age range feel the passing of a well known 40something in a certain kind of way for his familial loss and life not lived.
His vision was towards recovery during this recording and his words from the heart:
Otrespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. — Shakespeare
So often we look outside ourselves for something to be satiated internally. We want people to love us so that we feel a certain way or we want a thing that will help us embody a particular energy – maybe confidence or desirability. We want someone else to tell us or show us we are good enough. At the root of it all, we are seeking love and quite possibly we look for our divinity everywhere but inside. If someone else sees us in our best light or appreciates something about us, it must mean we are lovable and that can be addictive. You can find yourself chasing illusory love through achievements, big ticket items, grand experiences, or the presence of another reflecting your divine birthright of love —- or you can give that source energy to yourself and be delighted when someone else offers you the same without a sense of longing.
Longing is not in and of itself bad , (it may ultimately lead you to a spiritual path) but it can leave you feeling pretty out of sorts until you see it for what it is: an invitation to seek within, to hold yourself with what you wish to be reflected back, and to know YOU dearest one are love.
Many of us are accustomed to complacency in our comforts and perceived freedom. We are trapped by something or another and on the edge of collapse. What has fed us no longer can. Morals have taken on legs and arms to dress themselves differently so we don’t recognize them anymore. I see again and again they’ve walked away completely from some.
The soul, if to survive, will have to revolt.
Being present at this moment may create discomfort and that’s okay. Being positive at this moment may mean being sure of what you can stand by and what you cannot.
What happens when you avoid or dismiss something or someone that makes you uncomfortable? Perhaps you bypass it or them because you think it’s not worth your while but yet when it rolls around into your awareness there’s a kind of stickiness there and maybe even a sting.
As we wind down 2025, year of the snake and shedding, what if you let whatever this could be in your life have a bit more airtime? What if you expand to meet it and even include it or them in your field with conscious awareness. Let avoidance be part of your shed, dear one. The sooner you meet whatever / whomever this is with your heart light, the sooner you embody peace and wellbeing with yourself across all aspects of your life.
This is not to say you should sit in difficult feelings for a long time but acknowledgment with the light of the heart helps to transmute these feelings into neutrality, and with more and more practice, you can even shift the feelings into loving acceptance and possibly joy.
I’ve been immersed in a training since March that I find shifting me at every level of being, integrating past expressions and future intentions with the ability to hold those loosely in present moment , as well as healing beliefs that are ultimately blocks in true self embodiment.
As we wind down into the final modules, invitation to illuminating the shadows of self to better inhabit a consistent vibration of joy led me to a night practice of asana (yoga postures) outside over the last month or so. I practice outside during daytime hours when possible but have not extended that to night before. The intention to welcome the shadow hits a little differently under a blanket of darkness with considerably less human activity occurring.
Ultimately, after dedicated practice I began to feel myself as the point of illumination. Miraculously, the shadows shrink when you hold yourself as the light. It’s a powerful experience.
I’d invite you to try this should you find yourself in an environment that can offer you darkness safely.
Many folks struggle with perfectionism across different fields. We may want any extension of ourselves to be perceived as perfect in the workplace or even as a hobbyist. Truly this depends on your internal scripts and your intentionality in being. My personal experience began in musical expression, primarily vocal, for the enjoyment I found there. With interest leading to classical study, I found myself in a world of strict do’s and don’ts which shaped me and prepared me to execute some things I didn’t know I was capable of and in other ways stripped me of my authentic voice. I didn’t continue with a disciplined personal study of music for more than 8 years before trading the trainee role for a teachers role. Once in that position and honing in on the child’s experience of music, I began to see the value of play over perfectionism. With each year, I witnessed more benefit in play and exploration of sound for its power in creating meaningful experiences. I wondered at the value of the work I did with youth choral groups shaping them into various visions of mine. While that provided satisfaction for me in some regards, the overall learning experience and embodiment of expression was far greater in sound play without prescribed performance goals.
As that part of my life wrapped up and I found myself staying at home with my own children, other creative goals crept in and I found my internal script for what was good enough to share and what wasn’t as strong as ever. I wrote poetry without telling anyone what I was up to so I’d not have to hear a critique and knowing the minute it was under someone else’s gaze, my own would become harsher. I began baking with the aim of perfecting pie crust because I’m goal oriented and I needed that idea of perfection to run the actions enough times to understand what makes a marvelous flaky crust. The baking interest continued beyond pie crust and strongly alongside writing poetry, however, the baking I found myself sharing with others. It was safer somehow even though it too can invite critique and there are quite a few ways to screw up a batch of cookies or turn out a cake that’s a total flop. Even so, when it’s flour, fat, and liquid that fails it somehow seems more forgivable than a poorly executed score or script.
I did find myself tossing baked goods that just weren’t good enough to share because I was constantly trying new recipes and not necessarily focused on making something tried and true. However, as the years roll on and I no longer run mind scripts about getting things perfect because I’ve dropped that concept as a worthy effort, I let myself share baked goods that would have never made it out of my house ten years ago. I experiment with recipes and share them while usually letting folks know, “hey, this isn’t my best and I’m working on that recipe.” Or “wow, this isn’t my favorite recipe. Would you like to try it anyhow?” Most people don’t care at all. They appreciate the honesty and will try your less than best with open anticipation for the next round. I’ve found there’s a lot of freedom in sharing whatever it is that’s been made and being ok with that not meaning anything about me except that I’m a walking example of what it means to free yourself from the grips of perfectionism.
Once you allow this into one part of your life, it can take hold elsewhere and you may find yourself capable of loving yourself and others with a lot less expectation and much more ease.
Presence and Positivity 