Jessica, the lovely soul who began this blog with me back in 2016, reached out yesterday to share a video she found of the actor James Van Der Beek speaking on his experience of cancer and being stripped of the roles that defined his worth.
When we were in high school, Jess and I were extras in the pilot of Dawson’s Creek which became his claim to fame in the roll of a small town boy seeking a career in film making. While neither she or I watched the series in full and there was no direct exchange with this man during those days on set, we both felt a little extra jolt around death in midlife. I’m sure many folks in this age range feel the passing of a well known 40something in a certain kind of way for his familial loss and life not lived.
His vision was towards recovery during this recording and his words from the heart:
Otrespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. — Shakespeare
So often we look outside ourselves for something to be satiated internally. We want people to love us so that we feel a certain way or we want a thing that will help us embody a particular energy – maybe confidence or desirability. We want someone else to tell us or show us we are good enough. At the root of it all, we are seeking love and quite possibly we look for our divinity everywhere but inside. If someone else sees us in our best light or appreciates something about us, it must mean we are lovable and that can be addictive. You can find yourself chasing illusory love through achievements, big ticket items, grand experiences, or the presence of another reflecting your divine birthright of love —- or you can give that source energy to yourself and be delighted when someone else offers you the same without a sense of longing.
Longing is not in and of itself bad , (it may ultimately lead you to a spiritual path) but it can leave you feeling pretty out of sorts until you see it for what it is: an invitation to seek within, to hold yourself with what you wish to be reflected back, and to know YOU dearest one are love.
Many of us are accustomed to complacency in our comforts and perceived freedom. We are trapped by something or another and on the edge of collapse. What has fed us no longer can. Morals have taken on legs and arms to dress themselves differently so we don’t recognize them anymore. I see again and again they’ve walked away completely from some.
The soul, if to survive, will have to revolt.
Being present at this moment may create discomfort and that’s okay. Being positive at this moment may mean being sure of what you can stand by and what you cannot.
What happens when you avoid or dismiss something or someone that makes you uncomfortable? Perhaps you bypass it or them because you think it’s not worth your while but yet when it rolls around into your awareness there’s a kind of stickiness there and maybe even a sting.
As we wind down 2025, year of the snake and shedding, what if you let whatever this could be in your life have a bit more airtime? What if you expand to meet it and even include it or them in your field with conscious awareness. Let avoidance be part of your shed, dear one. The sooner you meet whatever / whomever this is with your heart light, the sooner you embody peace and wellbeing with yourself across all aspects of your life.
This is not to say you should sit in difficult feelings for a long time but acknowledgment with the light of the heart helps to transmute these feelings into neutrality, and with more and more practice, you can even shift the feelings into loving acceptance and possibly joy.
I’ve been immersed in a training since March that I find shifting me at every level of being, integrating past expressions and future intentions with the ability to hold those loosely in present moment , as well as healing beliefs that are ultimately blocks in true self embodiment.
As we wind down into the final modules, invitation to illuminating the shadows of self to better inhabit a consistent vibration of joy led me to a night practice of asana (yoga postures) outside over the last month or so. I practice outside during daytime hours when possible but have not extended that to night before. The intention to welcome the shadow hits a little differently under a blanket of darkness with considerably less human activity occurring.
Ultimately, after dedicated practice I began to feel myself as the point of illumination. Miraculously, the shadows shrink when you hold yourself as the light. It’s a powerful experience.
I’d invite you to try this should you find yourself in an environment that can offer you darkness safely.
Many folks struggle with perfectionism across different fields. We may want any extension of ourselves to be perceived as perfect in the workplace or even as a hobbyist. Truly this depends on your internal scripts and your intentionality in being. My personal experience began in musical expression, primarily vocal, for the enjoyment I found there. With interest leading to classical study, I found myself in a world of strict do’s and don’ts which shaped me and prepared me to execute some things I didn’t know I was capable of and in other ways stripped me of my authentic voice. I didn’t continue with a disciplined personal study of music for more than 8 years before trading the trainee role for a teachers role. Once in that position and honing in on the child’s experience of music, I began to see the value of play over perfectionism. With each year, I witnessed more benefit in play and exploration of sound for its power in creating meaningful experiences. I wondered at the value of the work I did with youth choral groups shaping them into various visions of mine. While that provided satisfaction for me in some regards, the overall learning experience and embodiment of expression was far greater in sound play without prescribed performance goals.
As that part of my life wrapped up and I found myself staying at home with my own children, other creative goals crept in and I found my internal script for what was good enough to share and what wasn’t as strong as ever. I wrote poetry without telling anyone what I was up to so I’d not have to hear a critique and knowing the minute it was under someone else’s gaze, my own would become harsher. I began baking with the aim of perfecting pie crust because I’m goal oriented and I needed that idea of perfection to run the actions enough times to understand what makes a marvelous flaky crust. The baking interest continued beyond pie crust and strongly alongside writing poetry, however, the baking I found myself sharing with others. It was safer somehow even though it too can invite critique and there are quite a few ways to screw up a batch of cookies or turn out a cake that’s a total flop. Even so, when it’s flour, fat, and liquid that fails it somehow seems more forgivable than a poorly executed score or script.
I did find myself tossing baked goods that just weren’t good enough to share because I was constantly trying new recipes and not necessarily focused on making something tried and true. However, as the years roll on and I no longer run mind scripts about getting things perfect because I’ve dropped that concept as a worthy effort, I let myself share baked goods that would have never made it out of my house ten years ago. I experiment with recipes and share them while usually letting folks know, “hey, this isn’t my best and I’m working on that recipe.” Or “wow, this isn’t my favorite recipe. Would you like to try it anyhow?” Most people don’t care at all. They appreciate the honesty and will try your less than best with open anticipation for the next round. I’ve found there’s a lot of freedom in sharing whatever it is that’s been made and being ok with that not meaning anything about me except that I’m a walking example of what it means to free yourself from the grips of perfectionism.
Once you allow this into one part of your life, it can take hold elsewhere and you may find yourself capable of loving yourself and others with a lot less expectation and much more ease.
Today I heard someone say, “Unexpressed gratitude is interpreted as entitlement or even ingratitude.”
So I’m curious about this. The topic was to do with ongoing, close relationships where people sometimes get lazy in communicating what they appreciate about one another.
Does it apply in the broader scope of relating? Something to consider…
I’m taking this as a reminder to write out my thanks for the wonderful experiences (no matter how small) over the holiday season! 💛
Every genuine thank you lifts the spirt of another. It’s absolutely worth your time.
I dropped my car off for inspection and was walking away from the auto care shop. There were two female pedestrians directly across from me and we were all waiting for the light to change. I noticed that the intersection was clear ahead of the signal and decided to go for it early! In the middle of crossing the street when it wasn’t yet time for walkers, a sweeping energy came rushing through me and it was picked up in my body with a skip. I put on my biggest, boldest smile as I delighted in the warm sun on my face for the moment. Bounding over to other side I said, “Enjoy the day, Girls!”. One of the women laughed and replied, “What a great moment. I’m so glad you just did that.” I lifted my shoulders with a happy sideways glance over to her and the response, ” Me too!”. We then exchanged a little laugh and continued our different directions.
I hope that over the weekend you will open to feeling good on the spur of the moment and showing it to others. Skipping in the street may not be your thing or at the level of comfort where you find yourself, but whatever works for you to feel free and good – I hope you let yourself do that!
It’s a new day. Let’s celebrate with one gratitude that first comes to mind: No matter what large subjects may seem looming and overwhelming to us today, think of something that is going to help today be a celebration, instead of a burden.
Begin the day with a deep inhale and equally thorough exhale. Now another.
It’s a new day. 24 hours to be a kind neighbor, supportive friend, spontaneous partner, superb parent, blessing to a stranger. 24 hours to make mistakes and then try again with a smile because YOU are here to try again!
Let us rise, smile and be our best for a life and world that needs our LOVE and attention.
Presence and Positivity 